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| You just need to break down.
Even though it happens to me more often than nought, it's like walking through an unavoidable desert fire.... and falling into a perfectly positioned oasis seconds after.
It'll only hurt for a little bit.
Hopefully.
You might scar.
My family's madness is killing me - from disowned sections of family to dead ones that I don't really know... I don't understand it. WHY CAN'T YOU ALL JUST BE HAPPY?
My lower back is getting the best of me, sending tingly numbness down my left leg.... and my left shoulder is pretty loose. I'm terrified for old age...Old age is going to be WONDERFUL... I don't want to be broken forever. Please be a muscle injury, please please please.
I don't even know what I want. In all aspects. Life, school, romantic craziness.
Thank you Xanga, for being the public privacy that I need to whine and bitch to.
Colleen | | |
| Why the hell would you do that, Crane. That's pretty much 16 pages, double spaced, of helllll.
Oh, let me add: Due November 2nd.
Well.... time to start!
I missed Xanga.
TOODLE LOO.
Colleen | | |
| I'm fine, I promise you.
It might have been a strange week, but I'm over it. Now can we get back to normal please?
Normal like... Friends normal? Because quite frankly... I don't know why you're so much more affected by this than I am. Okay maybe I do, but it shouldn't be that way. So please, please, please... Be normal.
Though my other option is...just to ignore it. You do your thing, and I do my thing, and if it somehow works out - awesome. If not, well that's too bad.
You know what I realized today?
I really miss the cheesy, overdone, romantic days of high school. When guys would ask girls to prom in an over-the-top fashion, or ask them to date in some elaborate scheme... When they really cared about that "wow" factor. In modern times, it shouldn't matter, since it's ridiculous in retrospect. Guys shouldn't need to do that. Girls are better than that. Feminists and the like know that this woo-ing isn't necessary at all. Love isn't about winning people over with flowers, chocolates and bears, or romantically sweeping girls off of their feet every month or so.
But isn't that what crushes are about?
I'm going off in tangents.
It's also raining at around 55 degrees in LA right now. Mid-May. Madness!
Hah. Alliteration.
Applying to internships is scary... I'll stop by the career center tomorrow to get some double checks in. Rejection, albeit inevitable, is heartbreaking stuff.
I need to call home still and get my apartment papers settled. Hmmmm. Will do.
2am, 2am, it is currently 2am.
Did I mention that I'm a tad bit sick? It seems like I've never completely recovered from the last time, which was about a month ago, and oh my that's horrid. I cannot remember a healthy moment. A cough-free, congestion-free moment.
Horrid.
Rhymes with...Torrid.
I haven't been able to go to the gym in FOREVER! It's reached the point where I miss it. Actually, I just want to run the campus/LA/everywhere, and feel as carefree as possible.
I can't believe I have two more years left of college. It's paradoxically forever/too soon.
I, I, I. I skim what I've written so far and that's all that strikes me as profound and meaningful. This is a very personal blog, I'm not going to lie, but there's so much whining and complaining about my life that it's annoying me. Suck it up, self!
Hah. hah. scolding myself via blog, for the world to see.
Good night. An early morning awaits. Productivity, I hope to greet you in the later AMs.
Out of order,
Colleen | | |
| I have no idea.
I feel like I'm losing control over my life.
I'm lost in two classes and midterms are coming up - fuck.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I am impossibly tired.
I feel like crying for no reason at all.
This thing called "motivation"?
It's halfway across the universe.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I spend time sitting on the floor staring at the wall, trying to zone out
Trying to relax and breathe
And then I regret it and I feel worse.
I don't know what I'm doing.
What's wrong
with me?
Please get back to normal body, mind, self.
I would really appreciate it.
Sincerely,
Colleen | | |
| I am giving up...
Bad nights of sleep. Bad being the equivalent of 1-4 hours of sleep a night.
All nighters, ehhh. I'll try to give them up, but sometimes they're just necessary.
STUDY TIME BYE
___
OKOK. I'm giving up Xanga. And Twitter. And Tumblr.
GOODBYE SOCIAL NETWORKING WORLD. | | |
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